DISQUS

Community Page on DISQUS

what is this?

Pop Critics

Reviewing pop culture so you don't have to
Jump to original thread »
Author

Ultimate Bad Ass: Round 2 - Jack Bauer bracket

Started by Mike Olbinski · 3 months ago

Here we are after one round of action in the first ever Ultimate Bad Ass competition. Some of the voting is still open, but half of the Jack Bauer bracket has just been eliminated and we're ready to start the Round 2 battles.

Lucky for Jack, he's still around, so the name of his ... Continue reading »

31 comments

  • Mike

    7 months ago

    I really like Kirk and would rather go with him, but Jackie Chan would really kick his arse.
    reply
  • Jason

    7 months ago

    Dirty Harry pulls a gun on Jack and points it at his head. In his trademark growling whisper he begins to ask Jack, "You gotta ask yourself one question..." Unfortunately, before he can finish his sentence Jack has disarmed him and beaten Dirty Harry to death with his own gun. Jack then cuts off his head as a warning to other Harry family members who get in his way. Advantage Bauer.

    I gotta go with Kirk against Chan. Chan begins to make his move but Kirk begins speaking in his slow, halting, melodramatic manner, confusing Chan. Chan, trying to understand what is being said, is mesmerized, giving Kirk time to attack Jackie Chan with a two pronged attack of the "Jim Kirk," double clasped hammer fist technique, followed quickly by the Vulcan Death Grip to Jackie's neck. If Kirk can beat the Commando, Jackie never had a chance.
    reply
  • Mike

    7 months ago

    hahahahah, nice :)
    reply
  • Robert

    7 months ago

    Well, while being Jim Kirked, The One True Action Hero will go flying out of the way, almost fall off or over something, bounce backwards, kicking Jimbo in the head. Since Kirk's girdle does not protect his noggin, I award the fight to the esteemed Mr. Chan and I look forward to seeing the outtakes at the end, where most certainly, as Jason has mentioned, there will be much hilarity ensuing as both of their speech* problems manifest themselves for our amusement.



    * language, not speech in one's case, but I was on a roll
    reply
  • Cap'n Schwartz

    7 months ago

    Bauer is the one who plays Dirty with harry and should win this match up...
    I will have to agree with Jason, if the fellow Capn could beat the commando, Chan doesnt have a chance...
    reply
  • Kory

    7 months ago

    The chan/kirk match-up is looking like it will be a good one.

    @ Jason - I like your argument re Kirk over Chan. probably should have read that prior to voting...
    reply
  • R.A. Porter

    7 months ago

    @Jason was definitely right on with both battles. Fortunately, I didn't need anyone to tell me how Captain McLovin-all-the-alien-chicks would do battle so I voted correctly! :)

    R.A. Porter's last blog post..Forgetting Sarah Marshall
    reply
  • Jason

    7 months ago

    @Kory - Well, I had to think it out carefully, making sure to put myself into the situation so I would make the correct choice. It was a tough call, but I think I voted the correct way.
    reply
  • The Trousered Ape

    7 months ago

    Oh popcritics
    How I miss ye

    Bauer and Chan - the other two don't have a chance...

    The Trousered Ape's last blog post..American Idol (2008) - Week 9 - Top 3
    reply
  • Mike

    7 months ago

    Jackie Chan starting to pull ahead...
    reply
  • Cap'n Schwartz

    7 months ago

    Never count a Capn out!!
    reply
  • Kory

    7 months ago

    As expected, Bauer is kicking some ass!
    reply
  • The Trousered Ape

    7 months ago

    He does - 24 hours a day.

    The Trousered Ape's last blog post..American Idol (2008) - Week 9 - Top 3
    reply
  • Cap'n Schwartz

    7 months ago

    @ Ape, lol... nice pun "24 hours a day" =)
    reply
  • The Trousered Ape

    7 months ago

    Of course - lol

    The Trousered Ape's last blog post..American Idol (2008) - Week 9 - Top 3
    reply
  • Mike

    7 months ago

    Thanks Cap'n for stating "24 hours a day"...

    Going to start calling you "Cap'n Obvious" :)
    reply
  • Jason

    7 months ago

    Kirk is right behind Jackie Chan...only three votes behind.
    reply
  • The Trousered Ape

    7 months ago

    I can't believe Kirk and Chan are tied - a travisty.

    The Trousered Ape's last blog post..American Idol (2008) - Week 9 - Top 3
    reply
  • The Trousered Ape

    7 months ago

    It's not like he's Kirk Cameron or anything - we are talking about the Captain here - ugh...

    The Trousered Ape's last blog post..American Idol (2008) - Week 9 - Top 3
    reply
  • R.A. Porter

    7 months ago

    Ape's right. It's ridiculous. The Captain would have dispatched Jackie (isn't that a girl's name?) and seduced his women by now.

    R.A. Porter's last blog post..Pushing Daisies "Pielette" script
    reply
  • Cap'n Schwartz

    7 months ago

    Yeah.. the Capn!!! for crying out loud... :)
    reply
  • The Trousered Ape

    7 months ago

    @ R.A. and Cap'n - lol

    The Trousered Ape's last blog post..American Idol (2008) - Week 9 - Top 3
    reply
  • Mike

    7 months ago

    Kirk is getting upset!

    "Khahhhhhnnnnnnnnnnn! Khahhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!"
    reply
  • Jason

    7 months ago

    Jackie Chan is able to stay in the fight long past the time we expected him to fold. This is due, not to a superior fighting style, but rather the fact that he keeps running and bouncing off walls so much that Captain Kirk simply cannot catch him.

    Chan attempts to defeat Kirk by tossing random items of furniture at the Captain but Kirk easily dodges these fast moving projectiles despite the fact that he has a lady on one arm and is wearing a newly starched uniform. The fight continues...
    reply
  • Cap'n Schwartz

    7 months ago

    @Jason LOL.... I can actually see it as you described it...
    reply
  • Robert

    7 months ago

    The very fact that we can all see him making a fool of Kirk is why the good Cap'n has no chance. Plus, any fan of Chan knows he usually has multiple hot chicks in his movies as well.

    And yes, it is a superior fighting style. Kirk is like McClane without the obvious toughness and "never quit" attitude. Without the "Jim Kirk", he'd have nothing to even refer to as a bit of style at all. Let's be honest. This should be about what's right and who's a Bad Ass, not some popularity contest. Save that for the Presidential race.
    reply
  • Jason

    7 months ago

    But you see Robert, the problem is, different people have different ideas of what constitutes a "bad ass." Some people think Jackie Chan is a bad ass because he has superior martial arts skills. A valid point. However, others think that Captain Kirk is a bad ass because even though he doesn't possess great fighting skills he still has several signature moves, is quite the ladies man, and always wins at the end of the day. That's why we are voting. To see which view prevails in the end.
    reply
  • Robert

    7 months ago

    Well, sure. Some people even think non-physical brainiacs constitute bad ass, a view that has thus far been handily defeated. ;)

    I would point out that The One True Action hero has all those qualities you mentioned, of course. Jim T. only has the one signature move, as I have pointed out before. I disagree with the VDG, since it would be unfair to take it away from Spock, who as you may recall was actually a bigger bad ass than Kirk, though I suppose not so much of a ladies man. (Although his younger, reborn self did poke Kirstie Allie before she was eaten by the crazy beast that stole her name, so that's worth something.)

    Don't get me wrong; Kirk is cool. He's simply not as bad ass as Jackie.
    reply
  • Mike

    7 months ago

    Yeah, but the thing about Jackie is most of his moves don't go right and end up on gag reels for his films :)
    reply
  • Robert

    7 months ago

    I don't agree with "most", but he does complex moves that Kirk could never hope to match. Have you ever watched Kirk fight and think "man, how does he do that?" Of course not, because he doesn't do anything particularly interesting. To be fair, that's because he's so old, and from the old man style of fighting. Were he a modern type of bad ass, he'd probably do some more interesting stuff...or at least his stunt man would. Ahem. ;)

    Jackie has also always been able to poke fun at himself, which Shatner has only recently learned to do.
    reply
  • R.A. Porter

    7 months ago

    @Robert - Kirk's style is less flashy, but far more efficient. The Kirk is his signature move, but if you look closely you'll see that he's using a blend of Krav Maga and Brazillian street fighting with a smattering of Judo thrown in. I believe Star Fleet adopted that style in 2297. All Jackie's blinged out moves might confound and confuse a lesser opponent, but Kirk is immune to them.

    And as for Shatner making fun of himself, have you never heard his "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"? Or seen his "Rocketman"? He's *always* been willing to poke a little fun.

    R.A. Porter's last blog post..Pushing Daisies "Pielette" script
    reply

Add New Comment

Returning? Login